I was just watching this movie with Reese Witherspoon in it, called "Sweet Home Alabama"... I think.... And I just cant believe how much it affected me... I cant believe how much I actually feel like crap... I dont know why I feel this way but.... I feel depressed.... I hope there is a way for me to make me feel better.... I just wished that there was something else that I could do.... sigh..... I cant believe it....
Im selling everything Ive got and the question is... For what??? Is it because I need the money or is it because I just want to continue living a lie.... I dont know how much pressure this is for me.... I wanna.....
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Dont you think so??
Why is it that the more I know about science the more I don't believe that there is a heaven?? Is it because my knowledge of cells?? Or the multi cellular structure of an atom?? Or the composition of an organ??
I don't want to wake up one day knowing that if I die I remain under the soil as fertilizer, I want to know that there would be a place called heaven... Is heaven also a place created to prevent people from being evil???
I wonder... People say that when we die our life flashes through our eyes.... So if you logically think about it don't you think that if our whole lives was flashing by then is the life that we are living right now another repeat of what has happened before??? Can you understand the logic of what I'm saying??? Like for example we die and our brain just repeats all these several events that has happened before?? Isn't that scary?? It's just a crazy logic which I have made to possibly be true or not true...
Do you think there would be a place called heaven?? Or even a soul??? If you scientifically look at it... When we die.... We die.... We can't possibly go to heaven unless... Someone in the future would invent a device to regenerate our DNA and when we come back from the dead we would awake in the future....
Just a crazy logic....
I don't want to wake up one day knowing that if I die I remain under the soil as fertilizer, I want to know that there would be a place called heaven... Is heaven also a place created to prevent people from being evil???
I wonder... People say that when we die our life flashes through our eyes.... So if you logically think about it don't you think that if our whole lives was flashing by then is the life that we are living right now another repeat of what has happened before??? Can you understand the logic of what I'm saying??? Like for example we die and our brain just repeats all these several events that has happened before?? Isn't that scary?? It's just a crazy logic which I have made to possibly be true or not true...
Do you think there would be a place called heaven?? Or even a soul??? If you scientifically look at it... When we die.... We die.... We can't possibly go to heaven unless... Someone in the future would invent a device to regenerate our DNA and when we come back from the dead we would awake in the future....
Just a crazy logic....
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Maybe
I've tried all the techniques that were possible.... I've kept all my doubts and fears inside for so long.... I don't know what else to do...
And now... Maybe... Just maybe... My new plan might work... I used a voodoo doll as a medium and I tried to do a cleansing spell... Hopefully it could help clarify somethings up and hopefully this could prevent what had happened on the night of the May 25 2008 incident.... Just hopefully this could be his other chance...
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Jappy's Night Time Prayer
Lord,
Thank you for this day... Thank you for everything that you have given to me....
Lord I pray that you guide me throughout the whole night.... I pray that you keep my mother, father and my friends safe... I pray that you also give wisdom to those who don't have it...
Lord I pray that the event which happened on May 25 2008 does not ever happen again... If there is no other way... Lord I pray that you take away my life.... If there is no other way you cant stop it... I beg you to take away my life... I can't stand seeing my mother like that... Lord if there is no other way... If you cant change the way he is... I beg you.. Please lord take away my life....
Amen
Saturday, May 31, 2008
If I was an astronaut
Do you know what it feels like when you are so helpless everyday??
Have you ever wished you were someone else????
Have you ever wished you could do something???
Have you ever been in your own home and felt like it wasn't, because of the dangers and troubles that you face every day, every moment and every time you see that one person who can ruin your whole day by just looking at them??? Don't you just hate it when you've lost your your own personal space and you've got no other place to call your home??? If only I had a place that I could call home... a place where I own my own space where I don't have to care on what I do or every move that I make...
I know a place but once I go there I wont be able to come back.....
Have you ever wished you were someone else????
Have you ever wished you could do something???
Have you ever been in your own home and felt like it wasn't, because of the dangers and troubles that you face every day, every moment and every time you see that one person who can ruin your whole day by just looking at them??? Don't you just hate it when you've lost your your own personal space and you've got no other place to call your home??? If only I had a place that I could call home... a place where I own my own space where I don't have to care on what I do or every move that I make...
I know a place but once I go there I wont be able to come back.....
Friday, May 30, 2008
I want to.....
I received all the signs... I know that your telling me to just let it go and live your own life... BUt the problem is THIS IS MY LIFE that I'm living right now, and what do you expect me to do??? Just avoid everything and just care about myself??? Don't you think its selfish??
I'm really tired of the mental blows and the damages.... I cant take them anymore... Cant I just have a normal life like the others....
These are my options
1. To just avoid all these problems and live my own life....
2. Ask a friends help or advise
3. Ask someone to scare the problem
4. Ask a friend to take care of the problem
But then Ive never thought about these stuff ever before.... I used to be good.... These evil thoughts are, lets say an adaptation of the current situation... I'm learning and never will I let this happen to me....
I'm so tired I so want to.... sigh.... I cant take it.... I cant cry to release the pain.... All my problems kept inside my personal box.... Waiting to explode..... My body says yes.... But my mind says "What about the people you will leave behind?"
I'm really tired of the mental blows and the damages.... I cant take them anymore... Cant I just have a normal life like the others....
These are my options
1. To just avoid all these problems and live my own life....
2. Ask a friends help or advise
3. Ask someone to scare the problem
4. Ask a friend to take care of the problem
But then Ive never thought about these stuff ever before.... I used to be good.... These evil thoughts are, lets say an adaptation of the current situation... I'm learning and never will I let this happen to me....
I'm so tired I so want to.... sigh.... I cant take it.... I cant cry to release the pain.... All my problems kept inside my personal box.... Waiting to explode..... My body says yes.... But my mind says "What about the people you will leave behind?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
